There’s something that I always regretted when I put Diablo down. I feel like I never had enough time to say goodbye the right way. I had this notion in my head that I’d be told one day “he has one week to live” or something of the sort and I could prepare for losing him and I could tell him everything I could before, but that’s not how it worked out. It wasn’t even until 2 hours before we took him in that it even became a possibility in my mind that we were going to lose him. I woke up that November morning and just seeing him in so much pain. I had kept telling myself “he’s fine, maybe his arthritis is bad today.” It was raining. I even made food and he didn’t want to share it with me. I got so scared that something was really wrong and I kept calling my mom to ask what we should do and if she thought he was fine. After the third call, my mom didn’t think everything was fine and she came home. We called the vet to tell them we were on our way and to have some assistance available because he couldn’t even walk anymore. We wheeled him into that cold room and the vet explained that we could have him kept for observation and that there really wasn’t a lot that they could even do. I looked at Diablo and his breathing was becoming more distressed and I couldn’t think of anyway I could let him suffer anymore. My mom let me make the decision to put him down. It was that one moment that nothing else in the world even mattered to me other than Diablo. I told him so many times how much I loved him and how much he meant to me. Every day I would come home from school and he’d always be happy to see me, despite how horrible or great my day had been. He never judged me like my peers and only loved me. I told him I could never love another dog as much as I loved him. I hugged him tight for those very brief moments before letting go to say Goodbye to him. I couldn’t stay in the room while they administered the euthanasia, but my mom was with him. We brought him wrapped up in the comforter from my bed to keep him in the warmth of home and it was my favorite blanket. I had had it for many years. My mom told me that almost the second I left the room, his breathing had become even worse and that she held him while he drifted away, still wrapped up in that one memento of home. I feel as though he held out for as long as he could because he never wanted to see me upset. I asked my mom if I should have been there for him when they did it, but she said she knew that he would not have wanted me there and he couldn’t do anything about it. Over the next few days, I was an emotional wreck. I felt empty, alone, scared. All because I was missing the most important thing in my life. We adopted Shadow a few days later and I have learned to love again and I don’t feel alone like I did. I love Shadow every bit as much as Diablo, but in an entirely different way. I can still remember losing my dog Samson when I was in 4th grade and our dog Sassy shortly after and how devastated I was, but that summer we made a trip to a small Mom and Pop pet shop in Southgate and there were three black lab-mix puppies. One however seemed the most excited to see us, with the white tip on his tail. We chose him and he was one of the best dogs anyone could ever have. I am more than grateful for the twelve and a half years we got to keep him. I guess you could call it selfish that I wanted nothing more than to keep him forever, but it’s just wasn’t possible. My mom and I spent so much money for procedures that the vet said almost surely allowed us to have him for two more years.
You see, to me, your heart is made of as many pieces as you can break it into. Each piece belongs to someone that is important to you in someway. Family, friends, and especially pets. Pets, whether they are dogs, cats or any other animal are family and friend. That means they get the biggest pieces of your heart. When you lose someone that you love and care about, they take that piece of your heart with them and your heart aches for that one missing piece. Over the course of one’s life, your heart loses many pieces, but never all of them. As long as you keep loving those you lose, another comes to fill the missing space with another piece.
I want nothing more than to walk in and see Diablo laying down on my bed with that giant grin he’d have on his face. The only dog I’ve ever personally seen smile and only for when I got home would he do that. Not even for my mom would he smile. I know we loved him in all of the right ways if he smiled. There is never a single moment in my life that I regret ANYTHING about having Diablo as a dog. All of those cold, rainy nights he’d stay with me. When I was by myself at home, Diablo would be right there beside me. When I came home he’d always be there to smile at me. I will always love and miss Diablo every day until I die. I will always keep his rabies vaccination tag with me. It was the only tage he had on his collar because we didn’t worry about him running away. Why would he?
I know that one day I will have to deal with losing Shadow and likely many more faithful companions, but for that one day of pain, every day of love, warmth, and friendship makes having a dog or pet worth it. It’s far more than worth it. It’s priceless.
Rest in piece Diablo. Wherever you may be, I still love you and know you still love me.
Demo version of a song that will be on our upcoming EP “Coffee”!!!
Everyone gets to meet Gerard but me REDUX!
i don’t even know if i’d wanna meet gerard now. he looks miserable in every fan photo he’s taken since 2008. i think he was probably a nicer guy/more cool with fans before they got huge.
Yeah, if you look at older fan photos, he’s grinning and making silly faces and laughing and looking thrilled, and the past few years have just been like, “alright, can’t seem like an asshole, just gonna take this photo”.
It’s not gonna happen for me ever, but if I did get the opportunity to meet him, I would have expected it to be fast, him to mumble some thank you’s when I said whatever I needed to say and have that be that, although my ultimate dream is just a hug, but even if I did get the opportunity to meet him their “meeting” rules are so stringent it’s just a 99.999% impossibility. Meeting fans for him is probably part of the job and something of a chore at this point, but honestly, I just want the opportunity for myself, because even if it meant jack shit to him it would still mean the world to me, as pathetic as that is.
I’m the person in the photo with Gerard. He was actually really nice and listened to my compliments about him and the band and he even told me it was great that I loved their music and he appreciated it. Also, I think he was kind of tired since I did notice him sleeping in the seats by the gate earlier, but I didn’t know he was Gerard at that point and it was like 8 in the morning in Detroit. He also didn’t have any problem with taking a photo with me and I told him that a friend of mine was also a huge MCR fan and he told me to tell her he said “Hi”. Overall, even though our encounter was very brief (2 minutes probably), I feel very fortunate that I was able to meet one of my music idols in a non-concert based way. He was just a genuinely nice guy and didn’t just try to write me off as another crazy fan lol.
[I accidentally posted this on a Tumblr account I don’t use anymore.]
Stop trying to make it seem like he’s an asshole
NO ONE LOOKS HAPPY WHEN YOU’RE IN AN AIRPORT
I just want to clarify, this was literally taken at 8 in the morning. No one (regardless of being in an airport) is going to be a bowl of sunshine and Coca-Cola at that time of day. He wasn’t grouchy nor was he giving me the vibe that he wasn’t interested in talking to me for a minute.